So I have a day to myself. A rare day off with nothing planned. One of those days I dream of.
But what should I do with the day? I have a list of mundane housework items that need doing. Part of me knows they need to be done. The other part of me goes “no, relax, do something for yourself. Take some time out”
I also have a long list of things I’d like to do. Sitting in the garden and reading is always top of this list. Now the day has come I can’t remember anything else on this wish list.
I’d like to do some gardening, but this is beginning to feel like a chore, rather than a joy now I have the time. My front garden tends towards the more wild side and I suffer from gardeners embarrassment. I grew up in a garden that was completely surrounded by hedges. No one could see you working. My front garden has none of this. The neighbours and anyone going past can see exactly what I am doing. I can hear them thinking “Oh at last she is doing something! You don’t want to weed like that !”.
This gardening anxiety puts me off doing anything.
I know that I fancy driving to a lovely spot on the South Downs, taking a stroll and sitting down in the sun with a good book and some tea and cake. But I spend so much of my time during the week driving between meetings, that I can’t face getting into the car.
I resolve to clean the bathroom and then move into the garden. I may end up sitting and reading if the weather is good enough. I may attempt to tame some borders (but not in the front garden!) .
But whatever I do I will give myself permission to do what i want and not feel guilty for not achieving anything.